In case y’all needed a reminder right, now life is HARD! I had a tough few days mentally this past week that I couldn’t seem to get out of. I was in a fog of depression, sadness, and insecurity that I hadn’t felt in years. I felt trapped, isolated, and scared. As I tried desperately to work through it, I realized that I also couldn’t put my finger on exactly what triggered it:
- Was it the loss of routine from the Thanksgiving holiday?
- Was it the high expectations of the holiday season and wanting to make it magical for my young girls?
- Was is the guilt I felt for not seeing our family due to the COVID restrictions?
- Was it the worry that I was forgetting to do something for work?
- Was it the stress of not knowing what the next day will bring?
- Was I just not enough?
- Was it me getting scared about this new strong self I was creating and trying to see if that old self was still there?
While I’m not 100% sure on the cause, I can assume it was probably a combination of the above and I wanted out ASAP. For whatever reason, I just could NOT kick this darn sadness no matter how hard I tried. I read the self-help books, I chanted the mantras, I did the meditation, I ate well, la,la la, la…… but nothing was working. After 3 days, I started to get a little scared that I was slipping into my old ways. As I was growing frustrated with myself for not being that person I wanted to be, I pressed play on my workout and heard this quote from the trainer, Autumn Calabrese, “you can’t rewind your life.”
I stopped. I had a “weight drop” moment (in case you’re wondering a “weight drop’ moment is like a ‘mic drop’ moment but with weights so it’s much more powerful!) Autumn was right. You CAN’T rewind your life. For every second I am sitting in my “stuff” I am losing out on literally the best moments of my life. I have 2 beautiful little girls, a job that I love, the most amazing husband, loving and healthy parents, great friends, and a very special life that I prayed for since I was young. I am so damn lucky AND I don’t get to rewind it and experience it again. I don’t get to start over on my day, my week, or my life. I only have one shot to experience this life and I want to feel it, live it, and embrace every second of it.
So here’s what I decided. I decided to PRESS PLAY on my life. I’m not going to stay in this “paused” funk that I’m in right now because I’m missing out on the amazing blessing of this life. I’m going to PRESS PLAY. I’m going to continue be patient with myself as I work through this funk, but I’m not going to stop living my life. We are allowed to have rough patches. We are allowed to have bad days and even bad weeks, but what we can’t do is stay there. What we can’t do is sit in it and dwell. The world NEEDS US and the best way to get out of our heads and into the world is to do something for someone else and pay attention to the 6 inches in front of our face. While I’m still not feeling 100%, I am not going to use that as an excuse. I am going to PRESS PLAY and keep going in the best, messy, way possible, because I know that this moment is all there is. Life isn’t as hard as we make it out to be if we simply focus on the beauty right in front of us.
Life is actually, pretty incredible.
Life is actually, pretty inspirational.
Life is actually, pretty miraculous.
Life is actually, all in God’s plan.
JUST PRESS PLAY.